Final Thoughts

I have been home from Dubai for almost 3 months. It takes a long time to decompress. The first thing I did was to plunge into the folds of my family. I have been gone for a year and I have missed so many daily miracles, like a niece learning to walk and a grandfather turning 90. I sleep on their couches and do whatever silly favors I can find, trying to dig my fingers back into the soil where I come from.


The next thing I did was to rebel against the Middle East. Even though I am not in that place anymore, the place was still in me. Any day weather allows, I wear a miniskirt. I take great pleasure in discussing "Vaginas" in large groups. And I gave myself a cleansing ritual in which I shaved my head: all the hair that formed during the time when I walked passed mosques, knowing I wasn't allowed because I might distract the men from their godly pursuits, and when the secret police almost arrested me for kissing my boyfriend goodnight on my doorstep, and when I was feeling so far away from home and nowhere near the culture in which I lived... it all fell off with the passing of my shears. I shook my head like a happy puppy and I have been free ever since.








The most recent phase of my decompression is a bit of nostalgia... Every now and then, an Arabic rhythm will find its way to my ears and my skin tingles with sweet memories of that exotic desert. The other day at Wheetsville Co-op, a place I consider to be one of the homes of my culture, half the to-go shelf consisted of baba ganoush, hummus, tabuleh, falafel, etc.. I smile at the dreadlocked Austin hippies who take it off the shelf as if it is theirs. Globalization.

Throughout the time I have been home, my greatest disturbance has been the lack of a bridge. No one here has ever been to Dubai... they barely know where it is. Sometimes, I get the question, "So, how was Dubai?" They are best satisfied with a one line answer that they can easily understand. To whatever I say, they inevitably respond: "Isn't that where they have all those cool modern architectural buildings?" to which I silently groan and say yes through clenched teeth. I lived an entire year in that place: fell in love, left a corporate legacy, learned to tell within 30 seconds which part of India the cab driver was from and whether he would try to rip me off by taking Garhoud bridge. I've never met anyone here who knows who Nancy Ajram is. I can't throw synical comments around about Emirati suppression of women because its taken too seriously: people are too ready to confirm their stereotypes.

What I need is a bridge. I need someone who knew me in Dubai, who lived it with me, to come here. Otherwise, it feels like I have just lived two parallel lives in complete ignorance of each other.

So if any of the dear ones that are still there would like to come to Texas, give me a holler! I'll give you lots of BBQ and beer as long as you'll sit around the table with me and my family and laugh about funny accents and shake your head about condoned slavery.

Until ya'll can make it, I have created a new blog. I will post all adventures there from now on, both at home and abroad: sarahsight.blogspot.com

The End

It is impossible to understand... In about 36 hours, I will be on a plane with over stuffed bags, flying away from the Middle East.

I went to Egypt. I was there for two weeks I somewhat feel as if I lived 6 months in two weeks... Egypt is an intense place. I went to Alexandria first, met my friend Shady Beshr's family, saw the library of Alexandria, ate sticky milk flavored ice cream. Alexandria is beautiful... you can feel the sun and the ocean even in the middle of town... mediterranean.

Then I went to Cairo. Cairo is everything Arabian which I was looking for in Dubai. There are ancient gorgeous gigantic mosques, emmerging from bustling dirty narrow alley ways crowded with fruit sellers, veiled housewives, goats, everyone speaking arabic (maybe not the goats).

I made friends with terrific AIESECers in Cairo. I had shisha and tea at a cafe which has been open for 24 hrs a day since the 18th century, I saw coptic Cairo ( the supposed link to the Pharoahs), Christian egypt... In one church I saw a mural of Jesus being mummified.

Then there is Ancient Egypt... which is confusing because as far as I can tell it has nothing to do with current Egypt (Arab, muslim egypt). The Egyptian Museum of Antiquities is so full of stuff! I saw 12 ft tall sculptures of kings that were 4000 years old... fine stone carvings, jewellery, Rosetta type stones... I didn't see it all... I remember going to museums seeing a clay pot from 1000 BC thinking "Wow... they made a clay pot back then!" Not any more... no longer impressed by clay pots. Especially not after seeing the pyramids. They are huge! You stand there flabbergasted... how did they do that? As the Aussie friend who went with me pointed out, your mind says mountain and you have to think really hard to understand that humans built it... in like 2500 BC. I will have to go again later when I feel more educated.

I aslo saw upper Egypt (Luxor)... the temple of Karnak, yep I was there! In the 5th grade, I learned about Ancient Egypt... The temple of Karnak was my favorite according to description... it is still my favorite.
I can't describe it... it's magical. I saw the Temple of Luxor and the Valley of the Kings... tombs in the middle of the desert mountains... you would never guess they were there. Wherever I went, it seemed I was one of only a handful of people who were not there with an enormous tour group... in a way I got to be more anonymous. I climbed to the top of a mountain in valley of the kings at sunset, then I walked back to the town (20 km away) because I didn't have any money for a cab. I got to experience the place in complete abandonement and silence and I imagined myself as one of the early explorers of the place.

I also got to experience the red sea, and all of it's richly ornate underwater glory. I went Scuba diving in Sharm el Sheikh and Dahab with Liisi and Ronnie. It was terrific, we had a great time. On the drive back to Cairo, on a windy desert road in the middle of nowhere, we had a car accident... flipped the car over into the sand. Everyone is okay. If you want to see pictures, they are on Liisi's blog http://liisiots.blogspot.com/ It was traumatic for a few days... my poor Dad had to hear about it over the phone. It was a really interesting experience of Egypt... an insight into the complications and inefficiencies, and the need and use of Wasta to get anything done. We called the police... 10 guys came... one changed the tire while the rest talked and pointed and argued for one and a half hours... Liisi and I just shaking and standing there.

I wanted to share my pictures with you... I had some really good ones... over a hundred. I can't though. I downloaded all of these off the internet... my camera was stolen. It might be expected to have your camera stolen in Egypt... but not from a 5 star hotel.

I was out of cash in Luxor and I needed a place to stay which would accept my credit card. Only high end hotels take credit cards... so I decided what the heck? I had a car accident, I travel by night train, I walk around in the desert... I can be a princess for a night. My camera was in the pocket of my coat and the coat was only in the lobby or the room while I was there... and I was never far away. I wanted to take a picture of the nile from my window... beautiful view! and I realized it was missing. It was the Sofitel New Winter Palace Hotel. I talked to the manager and he said they "can't be responsible... people come in from outside all the time." They didn't even have a security camera. In Egypt, 5 star hotels are havens of trustworthiness. People go to the hotels to change money instead of the banks. As I heard one Egyptian say, the international hotels have a standard, there's a brand... you can always trust them. At the Sofitel, I did not feel like a princess... I thought I was splurging on a room (45$) but I ended up losing much more. So if anyone decides to go to Luxor, don't stay there. If you do stay there, guard your belongings with the same vigor that you would if you stayed at a 7$ backpacker hostel.

A note about men... The main reason I hesitated to go to Egypt was that I'd had my fill of Arab machismo. Egypt is packed with it. But I learned to tap into an enormous power. Ignore. Ignoring in egypt is not as I thought before, weak... unable to do anything about it. Ignoring is an insult. A man tells you to sit or tells you where he thinks you should go or what he thinks you want to buy .You want to yell at him, "Who the heck do you think you are? Even though I'm a woman walking around by myself, I do not need or want your help." But he won't understand that. So ignoring him totally communicates exactly that with so much less energy. So girls, if you go to Egypt... just ignore.

What do I take with me from Egypt?

Friends! I made great friends...
Souvenirs! Many of you will get Christmas presents from Egypt :)
Arabic! I learned as much in two weeks in Egypt as I learned in 11 months in Dubai
Experience... I learned, but more than that I learned how much more there is to learn. If anyone would like to experience Arabia, I would strongly suggest Cairo over Dubai. At this point I am too tired, and maybe even a little jaded and I could not let enough of Cairo seep into me.
Also, Ancient Egypt is a trip... there is so much to learn... I will have to go again.

I remember when Halloween was frigid. I remember as a kid going to football games in fall when the temperature was below freezing. As I understand, the temperature in my home town has been in the 70's (f) all during fall. I saw An Inconvenient Truth this weekend. I'm starting to panic.

Please go to this website and sign your name:
http://www.stopglobalwarming.org

Then go to this website and figure out your Carbon contribution
http://www.climatecrisis.net

According to the lifestyle I lived at home ( 1 person, ford ranger, 75$ electricity bill, etc.) I contributed more than the average American to global warming. How embarassing, since I worked for a green energy company and recycled and bought everything organic, considering myself a friend of the earth.

They give lots of tips on how to reduce your emissions... a lot of it you know. It's just so important.

What to do Now?

My visa expires on November 29th. Some weeks fly by. Some weeks I can't remember anything I did. When all you have is a week, the minutes become important. I'm swirling in a mix of panic that I won't get everything done, shock that I will pack up and remove myself from this life I've created, exuberance of getting to go home, and a sadness for what I will leave but at the moment don't appreciate.

I will not go home yet, though. I made a decision several months ago not to waste my presence in this region, and see what I can. I'll go anywhere, but I have a limited budget. These are the thoughts that fight for my brain:

In Egypt, I can see famous ancient temples, be hosted well by many friends and practice Arabic.
However, the rate of harrassment for young white women in Egypt (as far as I can tell) is about 100%. I'm getting really tired of that. In fact, many Muslim Arab men I've encountered (though none of my freiends, who are all wonderful) seem to be trying to enforce the stereotypes I came here to dispell.

In Damascus, or Beirut or Istanbul, I can see Ancient multi-religious architecture and history, another side of the middle east... but it's expensive and there is still me, a woman travelling alone. Even if I won't get harassed, the fear of insult or disrespect might be enough to keep me from having fun.

What about Africa? I am soo anxious to go! I've been wanting to go for years. A ticket from the US is about $2000. From Dubai, I can go for $400. But what to do there? I want to volunteer in some kind of women's organization. I recently heard the author of the Vagina Monologues speaking at a conference (a recording). She said she'd found that when you give away the thing you want most in the world, you become healed. That philosophy in a lesser degree of intensity suggests to my heart that if I am upset because I feel less powerful as a woman, I need to do something to empower women. I'm looking for organizations, but the only ones who seem to seek volunteers require payment in the thousands.

I would love suggestions.

My last month

I haven't written for a long time. The reason is that I couldn't think of anything interesting to say... Life has just been rolling along. But I guess cumulatively, there might be enough for a blog post.

My last day at TNS is November 30th. A few weeks ago, I took myself off all my "usual" work, and devoted myself to my own initiatives. Now I'm having fun. I am now completing my best practice project, presenting the plan tomorrow morning. I am going to stay late tonight to work on a "sales tool" for one of our branded TNS research tools... A multimedia kind of presentation.

And the most exciting work is an HR project. In my time in this company, I have seen so many people quit. I have seen and felt all kinds of mismanagement and leadership voids... One small, avoidable behavior at the top can trickle down to demotivate everyone. So I'm fixing it. I have gotten my entire department to read Now Discover Your Strengths and take the accompanying talent assessment test (Really good!). After they take the test, I give them an interview discussing their values, motivations, talents and how these match with their job; their perceptions/attitudes towards the company and their next best options for employment.

I feel like I am healing a living thing. As I read last night in 7 habits of highly effective people, in a synergistic group, not only is the whole greater than the sum of the parts, but the relationship between the parts is greater than any parts. Those relationships need doctoring. There is so much untapped potential here.

The experience of peeking so deeply into 30 people is hugely humbling. Maybe I thought I was unique or better. But lately I feel blessed with the view that everyone is just as unique as me and it's kind of impossible for me to feel that I'm better. That sounds cheesy, but really my eyes have been opened.

I hope they stay open. The poignancy of lessons can often fade (at least in someone with my talent combination :)

To answer one of my own interview questions, I get to use most of my talents in this project. I want to do more projects like this. I feel like I'm helping and therefore I'm willing to work late. I'm applying healer mentality to business reality. I feel totally generous. And after half of my interviews, the interviewee turns to me with an extremely serious face and says "Thank you."

So if anyone knows of any opportunities to do this for any other organization, please let me know!

Ramadan

Ramadan began on September 24th. This is the holiest month of the Islamic calendar. One of the 5 pillars of Islam is fasting during this month. That means that every good Muslim in the world right now is not eating or drinking from sunrise to sunset. I am also fasting. It is really difficult... I live in a desert but cannot drink water.

I have to say, even though it is painful, it is one of the coolest experiences I've had here. It almost feels like I'm participating in the culture. I began fasting the day after I arrived from the USA, and I announced it to all Muslims I knew whenever possible, "Hey, how are you?" "I'm fasting." It's much easier to starve if you know that most of the city is starving with you. It makes the mind much much slower... a fact to which companies are sensitive, and therefore don't mind letting us leave the office at 3:00. Then, a little after 6 pm, the minarets will start ringing with chanting and you know it's time to eat. The eating is called Iftar...it's a huge sumptuous feast shared among family or community. (My stomach is growling as I write this)

I told my colleague Mohammed that I was fasting (we don't see each other much, just in the hall sometimes). He said Really!? Why? I said to understand the culture more, to see what it is like. His face was so warm and happy. He said, Thank you. Another time, I went to a restaurant for Iftar. At 6, people were lining up at the all-you-can-eat buffet. A waiter asked me, are you fasting? (I think as a tease) I said yes. He looked so surprised and gracious. He said "please, welcome..." and guided me into the line.

I can't tell you how good that feels. One of my biggest frustrations here is that I'm always on the outside. I am not accepted here. I am white. I am American. I am a woman. I am not muslim. For various combinations of these reasons, I'm not allowed to go inside mosques, not allowed to travel to Saudi Arabia where most of my research is done, am acquainted with less than 5 Emiratis. The fact that I am here "alone" (without my family), I don't mind grocery shopping at midnight, I walk on the sidewalk holding hands with a boy (just holding hands!) makes me a cultural violation. So for the first time, in Ramadan, I have felt like I'm part of a community.

If I have to be hungry to feel welcome, I'll be hungry.

Of course the purpose of Ramadan is not starvation for it's own sake. As I understand it, it's to experience going without and at the same time, giving to the less fortunate. Something like serving god through serving the poor and also humbling yourself. I do have a greater appreciation for what it's like to go hungry all day, as at least a billion people in the world do, but I haven't yet found the best way for me to give. I am not Muslim, so I think I can think of something more personal than donating meat to a mosque. I have until Oct. 22nd to figure it out.

Home

8 days in Texas. With sisters and babies, parents aunts and uncles and elders. So many guest bedrooms opened up to me. I felt warm, loved and wealthy in blessings more than my memory can hold.


(these are my two older sisters with their little girls :). From left: Jayda, Jayme, Shannon, Ava, Sarah)

I have a neice who has recently entered the world. Jayda Lynn Bomben. She is so cute and precious. I like her very much. And my sister is already such a good mom. I will post pictures once my family emails them to me. They emailed them :)



(my Brother in law with baby :)
Place is weird. I can travel through different planes of reality. I have a world here in Dubai of people, activities, relationships, smells, feelings, habits, knowledge, anxieties, rewards, and a certain reflection of myself. I have another world with all these dimensions at home, but totally different. I can travel between these worlds in less than a day. It makes me feel like a caveman... it confuses me but every one else on the plane looks bored.

Speaking of planes, I'm sad and sorry to report...the western world is deathly afraid of toothpaste. And lotion, water, gels, anything. Thousands of people every hour are moving through the London airport being searched, frisked and interrogated to make sure they will not carry any of these dangerous things called "liquid" onto the airplane.

So I'm back in Dubai...I gave notice to the whole company that I will not be staying like they thought I would. Now I will just be reflecting and planning, trying to get the most from my last months.

My neice was born!

Jayda Bomben is her name, born at 3:45 in the morning... yesterday? Time zones are confusing.

I will soon be on my way to see her and my strong big sister who has just become a mother!

My suitcase is next to me as I type away at work, finishing up projects and handing things over.

I will be at home for a week...seeing Texas fall, eating my dad's cooking, relaxing in the folds of my family, catching up with as many as I can, climbing some trees, and getting to know the newest member of my beautiful growing family.

I am so blessed. Life is so rich.

Bahrain

It was time for another trip to renew my visa. I decided to take the excuse to see a new country! One that wasn't too far away or expensive... I took the hour long flight to Bahrain where I was wonderfully hosted by the local AIESEC chapter, newly registered and already rockin.'

So here are my thoughts on Bahrain...

Bahrain is more chilled out than Dubai..people I met were laid back...feels like an island.

Bahrain is more Arab than Dubai. In Dubai, the Arab world is an option. If you choose, you can avoid it entirely and easily. I don't think this is the case for Bahrain...even the taxi drivers and restaurant cooks are Bahraini. I really felt like I was in the Arab world. The realization felt like something melting...which made me conscious of how frozen I feel towards Dubai. All the excitement of being in a new world...that rush that can pull me to all corners of the planet...started to come alive in Bahrain. There were times on the narrow dusty streets when I looked around, and all men were covered in white and all women were covered in black and then it was us, the alien westerners. Then, I felt like I was really in Arabia. Authenticity.


Bahrain is Ancient. You know the Dilmun empire in Gilgamesh? That's Bahrain! Thousands of years of civilization. Enki, God of sweet water was the residing God of Bahrain. And there was also an Earth Goddess...an earth goddess in the Middle East!! Yes!! Thank you!!

Of course, this civilization is dead now and the gods, being no longer worshipped in anyway (there is no god but Allah...) seem to have left.

Somewhere in the middle of the Island, isolated in the desert is the Tree of Life. The kind AIESECers drove me to see it. It is Huge!

It is ancient and knarled and sprawling. But at the top the leaves are green and full and happy. It is unbelievable. It's in the middle of the desert, with nothing around it but sand, not even bushes are there for miles, yet this gigantic tree sustains itself. How?

Local mythology says that this is the Tree of Life reffered to in Genesis in the garden of eden. Some scholars on this history suggest that the garden of eden was probably in the area. It is Awesome.



One funny thing about Bahrain is that it seems like it's trying to copy Dubai. They are building Islands in the ocean too (also destroying the natural reefs)...theirs are in the shape of pearl shells. They are building a financial center whose trade buildings look quite similar to the emirates towers. For sure, Dubai has been successful in selling itself with this kind of glitter...but according to laws of marketing, if you enter the market with the same poduct, you have no choice but to compete on price. Bahrain should use it's assets, stop trying to copy Dubai and sell itself as the real Arabia, but still accessible and fun.


One night, while walking around as tourists, Lyna (NYC), John (Australia), Caroline (UK) and I stumbled upon a festival in the middle of the street. As we walked further, we saw pockets of this festival raging everywhere. Ladies in black Abayas and children running around, men shovelling out free food to people or gathering to listen to the loud-speaker sermons from the mosques. We saw doors of houses opening to the throngs, and got a glimpse of the light inside, kisses and exchanging of gifts among neighbors. We learned from a Lady that this was 15th Shaban, a major Shia Muslim festival.

People came up to us and offered us food: we each walked away with popcorn, cotton candy, juice, sweet corn, shawarma, fruit, lollipops and Arabic sweets. We had trouble carrying it all and decided we had to escape the genorosity and kept walking. Several people came up to us and asked if we would like to hear the story of the festival and of course we did. We heard stories about religious leaders and battles, the story was not memmorable or lovable but the teller was. His eyes sparkled and he was peaceful, he spoke with such trust of his faith and belief in his god, but in such a generous and gentle way he shared it with us.

It was an interesting experience I think for the three westerners...the place was full of love and life, and it was spilled onto us in acts of generosity and hospitality...but we were surrounded by Hezbollah flags and pictures of Nasrallah. We hear on the news about Shia and Suni conflicts...In fact I heard on the news the next day that the celebration in Iraq was without violence...That was news.

Basically, the experience I had was this: There is religion, which as an institution creates division and motivation for fighting...then there are the People who are in that religion and they are peaceful and loving, using it as a community -a bond with each other and a reason to celebrate in the streets. I bet Sunis and Shias and Christians and Jews are not that different. I bet if you take the flags away and you watch a celebration, you see all the same thing and you feel the same feelings. These are thoughts many people have, but this weekend it was illustrated before my eyes. It will make hearing news of conflict over religion even more difficult to bear.

Speaking of understanding and diversity, the recently registered AIESEC chapter in Bahrain is awesome. I met LC members and MC members.... everyone is full of energy and sense of mission, adventure, cooporation and fun. If it was a company, I would invest.

Whose that Arab chic? Well, I dyed my hair black a few days before leaving. I was sick of being hassled, sick of being confused for a Russian prostitute, sick of being red. I fit in better. The thing is, from black...there's no where else to go...Foxy or frightening? I'm still not sure...

Working Late


Tonight is a night of jelly donut, translated imposed conversations of beauty and jewelry, mean fluorescent lights, dreams and smells and sounds of home, simultaneously feeling pulled to my keyboard and liberated with my recent reclaiming of myself.

Do I ever belong in a contract? I don't know, but the fact that I cringe at the idea means that I have an expensive signature. One that, in this case, is too high to pay. What a nice feeling...haha you can't afford me.

I am waiting for the flu to leave my body. I am wearing the multicolored knitted socks I got for Christmas to protect me from the frigid air conditioner which this blazing heavy desert thinks I want.

What will I do? If I want a stable, promising career, it's being laid out in front of me. I know that if I'm allowed to steer the ship, I will carry myself farther and faster. It just takes so long to get other people to look up and see that you're smart. After you've served 5 years, they think you've "developed your skills." But actually, it took them so long to allow themselves to see. I just don't let others tell me how capable I am.

I was thinking it's the artist in me. I was the 3 year old with the paintbrush who never put it down til she was 18. Then I surprised everyone with business school. And here I am too damn independent and sure of myself to accept that I must have approval from a boss. Artists don't have bosses. Art is the most egotistical endeavor. "Let me show you what I see. Isn't it beautiful?" "I don't try to please you, I don't work in a "team"" Can you imagine if you collected together the greatest painters and told them to "collaborate"...Picasso, Monet, DaVinci...What a mess they would make.

I like people actually, and I like teams. But I don't like bosses. And I feel the best when I have full artistic liberty.

Yesterday, I was lost in the rhythm of routine. And today...That they know they probably can't hold me gives me freedom and that familiar taste of chaos...Terrifying and exhilarating: my future has no shape. I can go off and be great, I can go off and be nothing. I guess I would always prefer to take my chances with myself...