Working Late
Tonight is a night of jelly donut, translated imposed conversations of beauty and jewelry, mean fluorescent lights, dreams and smells and sounds of home, simultaneously feeling pulled to my keyboard and liberated with my recent reclaiming of myself.
Do I ever belong in a contract? I don't know, but the fact that I cringe at the idea means that I have an expensive signature. One that, in this case, is too high to pay. What a nice feeling...haha you can't afford me.
I am waiting for the flu to leave my body. I am wearing the multicolored knitted socks I got for Christmas to protect me from the frigid air conditioner which this blazing heavy desert thinks I want.
What will I do? If I want a stable, promising career, it's being laid out in front of me. I know that if I'm allowed to steer the ship, I will carry myself farther and faster. It just takes so long to get other people to look up and see that you're smart. After you've served 5 years, they think you've "developed your skills." But actually, it took them so long to allow themselves to see. I just don't let others tell me how capable I am.
I was thinking it's the artist in me. I was the 3 year old with the paintbrush who never put it down til she was 18. Then I surprised everyone with business school. And here I am too damn independent and sure of myself to accept that I must have approval from a boss. Artists don't have bosses. Art is the most egotistical endeavor. "Let me show you what I see. Isn't it beautiful?" "I don't try to please you, I don't work in a "team"" Can you imagine if you collected together the greatest painters and told them to "collaborate"...Picasso, Monet, DaVinci...What a mess they would make.
I like people actually, and I like teams. But I don't like bosses. And I feel the best when I have full artistic liberty.
Yesterday, I was lost in the rhythm of routine. And today...That they know they probably can't hold me gives me freedom and that familiar taste of chaos...Terrifying and exhilarating: my future has no shape. I can go off and be great, I can go off and be nothing. I guess I would always prefer to take my chances with myself...
Tonight is a night of jelly donut, translated imposed conversations of beauty and jewelry, mean fluorescent lights, dreams and smells and sounds of home, simultaneously feeling pulled to my keyboard and liberated with my recent reclaiming of myself.
Do I ever belong in a contract? I don't know, but the fact that I cringe at the idea means that I have an expensive signature. One that, in this case, is too high to pay. What a nice feeling...haha you can't afford me.
I am waiting for the flu to leave my body. I am wearing the multicolored knitted socks I got for Christmas to protect me from the frigid air conditioner which this blazing heavy desert thinks I want.
What will I do? If I want a stable, promising career, it's being laid out in front of me. I know that if I'm allowed to steer the ship, I will carry myself farther and faster. It just takes so long to get other people to look up and see that you're smart. After you've served 5 years, they think you've "developed your skills." But actually, it took them so long to allow themselves to see. I just don't let others tell me how capable I am.
I was thinking it's the artist in me. I was the 3 year old with the paintbrush who never put it down til she was 18. Then I surprised everyone with business school. And here I am too damn independent and sure of myself to accept that I must have approval from a boss. Artists don't have bosses. Art is the most egotistical endeavor. "Let me show you what I see. Isn't it beautiful?" "I don't try to please you, I don't work in a "team"" Can you imagine if you collected together the greatest painters and told them to "collaborate"...Picasso, Monet, DaVinci...What a mess they would make.
I like people actually, and I like teams. But I don't like bosses. And I feel the best when I have full artistic liberty.
Yesterday, I was lost in the rhythm of routine. And today...That they know they probably can't hold me gives me freedom and that familiar taste of chaos...Terrifying and exhilarating: my future has no shape. I can go off and be great, I can go off and be nothing. I guess I would always prefer to take my chances with myself...
4 Comments:
I have no doubt you will be great, as always. Susan
I am glad we are sharing the opinion.
And can´t wait to meet in Dahab! Peep has told a lot about you :)
Ah, missa ilkeer, ya Sarah. Kaifhalik? Ismee Marci, ana min USA wa mishmuslin bas christian min hina fil elmrika. :)
Okay, my Arabic is not so good, but I do speak it with elementary fluancy! I just happened upon your blog and can truly appreciate what you are talking about. Actually, though, I fell in love with Alaine, Ras Al Kaima, Sharjar, Abu Dabi, Fujara, along with Dubai and a couple other remaining cities in UAE I am embarrassed to have forgotten their names... Anyway, oh, how wonderful the people of UAE are (this is my feeling). I used to work at a college here in US where many students arrived from UAE and Qatar. Boy, these people were like great and wonderful princes. (Of course, I had the true wonder and experience of dating one of the sweetest most handsome gentlemen from there, but no no no hanky panky ;) of course, NOT!) To this day, I remember his name: Bader... Okay let me stop day-dreaming! :) Okay, so yes, he taught me to read, write and speak arabic, but it was my 2nd husband, Salah, who taught me how to "hear" the language. (Salah is an engineer in Qatar...he actually got me interested in the field so much so, I had to earn my engineering degree!!!!) I have read several books on the east, specifically, however, Qatar and UAE and feel a deep, peaceful connection with the people there, especially the women, and the old (and new) ways. I also speak Persian pretty good.
You know, Sarah, it is fascinating that such a rich beautiful country (America) does not take the time to appreciate the cultures of our neighbors, no matter where they are. If I could, in life, I would travel abroad to every land and return here to articulate the hearts of those across seas. I know its already written in books, but it appears no one really wishes to read, but would rather believe propoganda. That's sad. Oh well, ... Anyway, I certainly did appreciate your pictures and everything. (For shame re: the talking about vagina's in big crowds...there? Ooh, girl, you mean you didn't get flogged! :) Bye now.
Thanks for being you, Keep it up. Superb!
http://www.picturetrail.com/nabielalshaikh
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